How your home can affect your marriage

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So I’m back! And about time too! So sorry to have abandoned you these last few weeks, but with the house move, a new job and a whole new way of life to acclimatise to, I’ve barely had a minute to put my feet up.

So let’s get back into this…  today I want to tell you about how much things have changed, simply from moving house.  Some of you may remember that I spoke about how we had found the first 6 months of marriage, and you may have joined me in pondering over what makes a house a home.  Well, things are finally back on track.

Truth is, in January we made a mistake.  After getting married in December we knew we were likely to need more space than the pokey one and a half bedroom house we were living in, so when a 4 bed house came up in the country, the romance of it all took over and we swiftly upped sticks to moved out of town.

Within 3 days, I hated it.  Andrew gave it a fair try but a few months later we were both firmly on the same page.  The country life just wasn’t for us.

Over the past few weeks we’ve been working hard to get our lives back on track, moving back into the city.  As of today we’ve been in for a full 3 weeks and already our lives (and relationship) have completely changed.  And that’s what I wanted to talk about today.

How is it that you can both be exactly the same people, have exactly the same interests and yet everything can change simply depending on where you call home?

Well, here’s my thoughts on the subject (I’d love to hear yours too…)

Living out in the country may sound romantic, and for the first couple of days I suppose it was nice to wake up to rolling hills and grazing cows.  But once you’ve seen it, everything just kind of merges into the background.  So then what are you left with?  For us it was a house that was too big, with no local amenities within walking distance and endless nights filled with watching Netflix, eating dinner and going to bed.  Hardly what we were hoping for from our first 6 months of marriage.

cows

Andrew and I are always up for trying new things, spontaneous nights out, random dates and exciting adventures.  But whatever it was about our time in the countryside, this part of us just seemed to be stunted.  I don’t know if it was because it was much more effort to get anywhere from our location, or if the slower, steadier pace of things just ground us down and sapped away our energy.  Whatever it was, the date nights became few and far between, and spontaneity gave way to predictable routine.

I found myself snapping a lot, easily irritable and not much fun.  We found ourselves feeling more comfortable and relaxed in other people’s houses than our own. I’ve never been able to explain it but both Andrew and I felt completely uncomfortable in that house.  Never fully able to relax.  All this bundled together led to a less than romantic atmosphere – not the best setting for cosy date nights and intimacy.

The best thing we did was talk about how we were feeling.  It was good to know that the house was having a similar affect on Andrew and it wasn’t just all in my head.  We were in this together, and like everything, we would get through it and out the other side together.

Having had high hopes for the elusive ‘honeymoon period’, our gloomy circumstance soon brought me crashing back down to reality, and I cannot wish enough that we hadn’t completely changed our lifestyle the second we got married.  I feel like we’ve missed out on that post-wedding bubble that we’re so often promised.  Instead we were living in a house we didn’t like, in an area that wasn’t suitable for our interests, wondering what to do next.

Well, what next is finally here.  Yay!  We’re back in the city, in a beautiful terrace, just a short walk down the canal from the city centre, and we couldn’t be happier.  Our whole mood shifted even as early as moving day.

Despite the physical demand the process took on us both, we were noticeably happier just starting to see our things in the new place.  For the first time since our honeymoon, I felt giddy.  I felt like a newlywed, embarking on a new and exciting life with my husband.

I think this time around, everything is right.  Everything is what we wanted and we haven’t compromised on any big stuff.  We found a beautiful house that has comfortably welcomed the vintage/retro style that we want from our interior, in a perfect location just minutes from bars, restaurants, parks and so many other dating opportunities.  The cats all seem to be much more relaxed too…

Cats

I really can’t believe how much of an impact both house moves have had on us.  To go from a fun-filled, exciting and passionate relationship to popping our slippers on, and gaping at the TV night after night – it’s like we were two completely different couples. Having quickly settled right at home it’s exciting to see the change in our own relationship already. Dinners out are much easier to do on a whim, Andrew can meet me from walk and we can enjoy a lovely walk home down the canal path, we have already visited our local gym for games of table tennis and badminton (getting more and more competitive each time we go), and we’ve taken the opportunity to reconnect with friends who it is now much easier to pop across town and visit.

I’ve never really thought about how significant your home environment is and how it can affect you, but for us now it’s very clear that we need make sure we have a relaxing home where we both feel at ease, and somewhere that allows us the flexibility to go out and do spontaneous things.  The house in the country may be the ideal home for another couple, who love the outdoors and can enjoy the peace and quiet the area provides.  For Andrew and me, we’ve found our perfect location where we can do more of the things we love, together.

I’ll always regret that first 6 months, moving away from the life we knew, the life that helped us fall in love.  But now we’re back, and we’re here to stay – all loved up like never before and happy to have found ourselves and each other again!  It will be a long time before we ever move out of the city (at this point I’m not sure that we ever will).  Now we can focus on making our beautiful house a loving home, and a place where our marriage can really thrive.

Excited by the possibilities – I hope you continue to join us as we date, decorate, travel and enjoy the many more ups and downs that marriage throws at us…

home-sweet-home

Have you ever moved to a house that just didn’t feel right? How did it affect you?  Did you muddle through or call it quits and move on?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Catch me on Twitter @LoveinMindBlog.

Hannah

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